Saturday, March 27, 2010

A Tired Mess

I am living in messes - lots and lots of messes.  Lord.  As our furniture leaves for places diverse, we are left with piles of stuff that must be looked at, organized and tossed or given away or shredded or packed.  And I
am overwhelmed again. It is truly difficult to shed all that you have collected over the years and it is much harder to do today, than it was several years ago.

Before I had thought about footprints, carbon, and poisoning the earth, I would have been fine to put it all in boxes or bags, loaded my truck and dumped it all in the local trash dump.  I cannot do that know that I know - I know how my consumer actions harm the world I love in and future generations.

Although it is not always possible, I am trying to not add to the burden my fellow humans have inflicted upon this land of ours.  Everyting that can be recycled is being recycled.  Computer and electrical components are being disposed of correctly so that they can be dismantled and any harmful components neutralized.  If we need new things, I am trying to get them used although this has not been as easy as I had thought it would be.  For example, we really need a Jabox or a truck tool box that can sit on the back of the bed of our truck - but the used ones I see are being sold for as much as a new one.  I am still looking for a reasonably priced used one, but I am not as hopeful as I once was.

Mostly I and finding that my stuff is making me tired as I fight
emotionally with the idea that I have spent years defining myself through this stuff.  Some things make sense, such as pictures, but other things do not.  I am not my table, chairs, clothing or shoes and yet - there is a pull.  The pull is a result of growing up in a consumerist culture that has trained me to believe that my happiness or being fulfilled is found through things.  Yes, yes, I know that real happiness is through or found within.  But our culture tells us otherwise and one cannot be exposed day in and day to that message without if effecting you in some way.  This is why we have phrases such as "retail therapy" in our vocabulary and why we need to take a vacation from our stuff - to remind us that we are not our stuff.

And so, I must leave this post to trudge ahead - more to sort and an angry, now indoor, cat to appease! 

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