Solving Deficit by Denying Birth Control

These Make Excellent Space Ships for Child's Arts & Craft Projects

Conservatives slash the budget by denying women birth control! .... Right?

War, unemployment, and catching terrorists opening small business checking accounts at local banks has caused our deficit to balloon in the United States. Let's face it, the US has been irresponsible with spending by helping large numbers of the lazy unemployed population and giving children healthcare, and so now we are in an impossible situation. As we are continuously reminded, liberals simply want to spend, spend, spend monies that the US does not have, when what we really need to do is cut, cut, cut in order to break the deficit down. The solution to this problem? Curbing women's family-planning rights.


Yes, I understand that it is difficult to see the connection between a ballooning deficit and women's rights, but there is a connection. Well, at least I suspect there must be a connection since conservatives are making these topics their focus this election term: birth control, and the deficit … B&B for short.

Yet the B&B correlation is a bit convoluted.  After all, wasn't the issue of birth control solved years ago? At first, I thought the connection had to do with the recession and a general resentment toward women. More men than women had lost their jobs during the recession (look at the California numbers alone).  Sadly, the reality that this was due to the fact that these men had full-time positions, which paid well and included benefits, didn't enter into the conversation as much. Women kept their jobs because they were cheaper for companies to retain.  Include with this reality the fact that more women have college degrees than men, threatening the normal gender balance of things, and "Huston, we have a problem!" Indeed, these are the making for viable threat to the way things are in the good USA.  So maybe, I thought, the attack on birth control this election cycle was really just an attempt to rally the male conservative vote.  If we get women back into the kitchen, and keep her there, then we can return man to his rightful position in the work place. 

The logic seemed sound enough but as we recover from the recession, men are recovering and gaining full-time work much faster then women, putting a wretch into my original theory.  But then came Ron Paul; Ron Paul made me see the light!  The other night, Ron Paul announced on "The Tonight Show With Jay Leno" that he regretted prescribing birth control back when he was a OB-GYN in Texas, because:

"I was also putting myself out of business, all this birth control ... They had less babies."

See way back when, Ron Paul's concern of helping women bring only wanted and planned for children into this world was skewed. Indeed, He should have been seeking simple profit.*  That is the American dream, after all.

But then I realized that Ron Paul had a point, and I could finally see the brilliance of the conservative's plan!  I made the leap from birth control for women to a ballooning deficit. 

If we take birth control away from women, we could make a crap load of money from women having babies.  Once those babies are born, many of them unwanted and unplanned for, we can stow them and their wanton mothers away in work houses, laboring for our country (it will be easy to revert child labor laws now that most unions have been destroyed – yes!).

(B&B Formula) Free labor = profit = shrinking deficit!
Brilliant!

So the solution to our country's wows is simple, and so obvious that no wonder I was originally confused (being a woman and all).  Let's bring back workhouses!  Bring back the Magdalene Laundries; only in today's world we should exchange the task of cleaning laundry for electronic assembly lines.  Regardless, we have a solution America! Ladies, what are you waiting for?!?? It's time to do the patriotic thing!  Flush those pills down the toilet! Let your kids have your diaphragm for an art project (they make awesome spaceships), and start birthing slave labor!
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* An example of why we have a medical system that avoids prevention and rather seeks only to use band-aids for many medical issues: profit over wellness/ over logic. Such a statement supports this logic as well: that's why I encourage my patients to smoke, the more they smoke, the more sick they get, and the more sick they get, the more money I make!