Monday, October 27, 2008

Tweeting Vegetarians Vex Intelligence--put your hands up and slowly walk away from the string bean

As my two readers (A shout out to Dave and to my pop--you loyal bastards :) might know, I like twitter (Read Twitter Tweaking, or Political Tweets, or Twitter and Current TV). Twitter is a fun and interesting application because it offers a new way for friends and indeed strangers to connect. It is in my opinion, a humble social experiment that can be "public" or "private," and I am not the only one who is fond of twitter. Indeed, it is a very popular application surmising from the amount of people using it, sending their tweets online, through their phones and other applications. It even saved one poor bastard from a possible horrible stay in an Egyptian Jail. Besides being able to update my status for my friends, I have talked with some very nice people on twitter, who helps me tweet away the time when nothing else much is going on. I will always go for a chat over reruns of bad TV shows any time. However, I apparently should be worried, very worried because according to an Army Intelligence Report, Twitter is being used by terrorists, and other sorted beings who threaten America and the American way of life (Read Wired's "Danger Room" blog post). Among those listed are the hated, and truly dangerous VEGETARIANS!
Twitter has also become a social activism tool for socialists, human rights groups, communists, vegetarians, anarchists, religious communities, atheists, political enthusiasts, hackivists and others to communicate with each other and to send messages to broader audiences.” (page 9)
Nestled between the likes of commies and the bringers of ultimate political destruction, I was at first afraid of these organized fruit eaters, but then I remembered that I was a vegetarian, and so I became scared of myself, my intentions, and what evil thing I just might do with the piece of celery in my hand. Eat it? No, never. But use it as a weapon of mass salad destruction--bring on the oil and vintager baby! It's a party! But first I would tweet all my friends and strangers alike, indeed my secret network, telling of my intentions-using under 140 characters to do it.
Tweeting Vegetarians Unite and Vex Army Intelligence @
Then, after I have the fellow vegetarians (should we invite the vegans? Ok, Vegans allowed) PUBLICALLY organized--sending droves and droves of organized vegetarians to my blog and thereby increasing the readership from two to four--I would arm them with a variety of vegetables: radishes, carrots, the evil potato, and pees. Worse yet, I would include cauliflower (everyone knows this vegie is the brains of vegetables), with a side of cheese sauce. After everyone was thus armed, I will then shout my subversive command, the command that pisses our intelligence off . . . wait for it . . . ok, scroll down:
Food Fight!
Tweet that! Rebecca


  1. You cant trust anyone not willing to kill and eat something mobile. Did you know that cannibals are the most trustworthy humans on the planet? (except for that "invite you over for dinner" line - dont fall for that one.)

    Do you read xkcd?

  2. Oh, I am dangerous with a piece of celery. And don't even leave me alone with a kumquat. Aren't those from China? That must make me a vegan communist for sure!

  3. Alas Dave, you are right. If only I could fly and shoot like Palin and then para shoot down to claim my meaty prize!

    delbocacista, yes . . . . you are a vegan communist if you like kumquats. One of the most dangerous sorts of vegetarians . . . I am so honored you have congregated here at my vegetable kingdom!

  4. Well, since army intelligence is an oxymoron, how hard could it be to vex them? PETA probably could have done it...and in the nude too.


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